Pink Colored Products: Industry’s Contribution to Feminism!

Lauren O'Hara , Staff Writer

Satire

https://easyhealthoptions.com/break-chains-emotional-eating/
An everyday women crying because of her loud, frightening chips.

Today is plagued with inequality and sexism. With havoc in the White House, rampant sexual harassment in the workplace, a lack of reproductive rights, and the crushing wage gap, we might ask ourselves:  how can we fix such misfortunes?

Well, Indra Nooyi, the CEO of the Doritos company, is making strides for change with these new, and totally necessary, chips for women!

“Snacks for women can be designed and packaged differently. And yes, we are looking at it, and we’re getting ready to launch a bunch of them soon,” said Nooyi, “For women,  low-crunch, the full taste profile, not have so much of the flavor stick on the fingers, and how can you put it in a purse? Because women love to carry a snack in their purse.”  (Yes, this is an actual quote).

Whew! I can finally enjoy some nice, soft chips without the fear of the large snapping noise! My weak woman ears tremble because of the awful chomping that is caused by the bite of a regular chip.  This revelation will finally save me from some of the fear in my everyday, feminine life. My XX chromosomes weren’t made to handle such hideous treasons.

After I eat these “chips” I like to wash them down with some Go Girl energy drinks! This beverage comes packaged in a pink bottle, and that’s the only difference between ugly drinks for men and my beautiful weverage (that’s a woman’s beverage!) This pink bottle is able to slip into my purse easily and without discomfort. In my bag you can also find some female q-tips that have smaller pink swabs for my miniature girl ears. Silly men and their large ears and white q-tips!

Hallelujah! As touched on by TV personality Ellen Degeneres, Bic has released a pen for women. These pastel pens come in colors such has “lavender” and “mint” and have been designed with a  “thin barrel to fit a women’s hand.” An elegant design just for my delicate fingers.

But some men aren’t having it. Guest on Sharktank Chad Melvin came up with a new product and said, “I think all men can agree, it’s a struggle going through life never had used a tampon because of the feminine pink applicator. Finally I present to you, Manpons, tampons that are packaged in a rugged blue applicator! Just for us men!” But he’s not alone; another man, Duke Robinson, said “Pink is for girls! And I would never be so foolish as to buy a pink tampon.”

Thank god for items as listed. Without them I would have to suffer with the slate-grey man packaging. Products lacking such pretty bonuses might lead others to believe I am a man! How disgraceful they’re not even willing to pay an extra two dollars for some pretty pink packaging! After all what else would my 77 cent paycheck go towards?