The Onion Abandons Satire to Focus on REAL NEWS

Jason Calderaro, Staff Writer

May 7, 2019

Just last week, The Onion CEO Mike McAvoy released a groundbreaking statement. “Since 1988 The Onion has put forth fantastic pieces of satirical content, but in today’s newscycle, one filled with bias and spite, a savior mus...

Yelping is a Sport

Lauren O'Hara, Staff Writer

May 6, 2019

Yelp was established in 2004 as an outlet for angry moms who feel the need to yell at minimum wage workers and business owners behind a keyboard. After scouring on Smithtown Moms for a variety of inexpensive and easily-access...

Drake and Josh Are Back

Nick Passarella, Staff Writer

May 6, 2019

On June 26, Netflix will premiere a direct follow-up to the hit show. Drake and Josh,  entitled Drake and Josh 2.0. This reboot will take place in modern day San Diego, California, in a rebuild of the house they grew up in, which bur...

Sweet Persuasion

Sweet Persuasion

May 6, 2019

Students Required to Wear Lanyards Displaying GPA

Alexis Yang, Staff Writer

May 6, 2019

High schools around the country are adopting a new policy that requires students to wear lanyards that display their overall unweighted GPA. Robert Hansen, a high school principal from Minneapolis, Minnesota, believes that the...

Deep Blue Bottle Caps

Deep Blue Bottle Caps

March 27, 2019

Darn Kids These Days

Darn Kids These Days

March 21, 2019

Nineteen Shower Thoughts That You Should Be Thinking Right Now

Miles Morris, Staff Writer

February 8, 2019

Shower thoughts are an enigma. Who was the first person to have them? How did they know that whatever they thought up was specifically a shower thought? Were they really thinking in the shower, or did they just randomly come up...

Spot the Difference: Holiday Edition

Miles Morris, Staff Writer

January 8, 2019

Can You Spot the Different Snowflake? ❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❅❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆❆ Do...

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